Dear Former Best Friend

“I bet sometimes you wonder about me. And I just want to tell you, it takes everything in me not to call you. And I wish I could run to you. And I hope you know that every time I don’t, I almost do. I almost do” (Taylor Swift “I Almost Do”).

Dear Former Best Friend,

How are you? What are you up to today? Were you ever able to find a job? Did you end up moving?

I miss you today. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve thought about texting you or something on campus reminded me of you. When I pictured coming back to school, I didn’t realize your memory would be everywhere. You were by my side last year during my first day of school. You were my chapel buddy and the one I could count on to hug me at the end of the day regardless of the kind of first day back we each had. You were my partner in crime, my support system, a hand to hold, a shoulder to lay my head on, the one I told all my stories and most of my secrets to.

And now it’s all gone. Now I walk though halls alone bombarded with a thousand memories. I sit in chapel and try not to let my eyes drift to our spot. I resist the urge to text you when I’m hit with an overwhelming sense of deja vu because I know you don’t exist anymore. The girl I miss isn’t the girl you are now and that hurts more than all the rest. I can’t remember the good times without being instantaneously slammed with the knowledge that we can never be us again, that you will never look at me the same way you did then–with pure joy and love and excitement. We will never laugh together the way we did then or share a hug just because or even just enjoy each other’s company.

I don’t know why people change. I wish you hadn’t. But they do and you did and now there’s nothing I can do but kneel down to pick up the pieces, climb to my feet and continue to move forward.

Dear former best friend, happy first day of school.

All my love